Ambivelance Amplified

Ambivalence means a conflict of interest or attitudes. I can be ambivalent about any number of things on a given day: what I am wearing, how my hair looks or what to have for dinner. Most of the time I am sure and steady in what I believe, not too much ambivalence for me; in my faith life or my heart of hearts in regards to the Lord. But as of today, well, I'm afraid I'm stuck between two thoughts and not sure which way to turn. I believe that God is with me, wherever I go, wherever I am, God is with me. And I believe he loves the human race for all its faults--unconditionally loves us. But what happens when someone presents an idea so, well, wrong that it makes my head hurt to hear it. It goes against everything I feel in my heart I know of the great Almighty. Does this mean I could be wrong? Does this mean they are--because I feel I am right? Most of the time I'm willing to let people believe as they want to believe. Their path may not be my path, but I'm not God so who am I to judge. But when a bunch of someones spout a bunch of "stuff" which does nothing but pull people farther away from our Creator, and it just makes me mad. And then I hear Jesus' voice in the clamor, telling me that whoever is without sin cast the first stone. But if only the lunkheads are being heard, isn't it our place to tell them to sit down and shut up? But maybe I'm the lunkhead? No wonder I hear people say they don't want to come to church. Who knows what to believe? And how do you know whose voice to listen to? And don't come at me with that "still, small voice" thing either. That does NOT speak to a person with a hearing deficiency. So where are we then? Where do we go for guidance? You could of course, talk to an ordained person or read a really helpful book. You could also go to the Bible (speaking of helpful books), but the problem with the Bible is sometimes you really aren't sure what you're reading is what you think you're reading. There are layers upon layers in the Bible which is where these loud somebody's are supposedly getting their information these days.

So I think there is a solution to this. I think if we all really just stop shouting and posturing and sit quietly and pray, we'd feel more like we had a handle on things. More calm and collected about things. More comfortable with the "God is in his heaven and alls right with the world," kind of thing. So that's what I'm going to do, pray. And let God handle the details. He's doing a pretty good job so far I think. I'll just worry about what to have for dinner.

Winsome?

I was reading from William Barclay today about the book of Acts. Before I get rolling, I would like to suggest that if ever you wanted to read some superb explanations of the New Testament, Barclay is your man! He brings about a clarity, at least for me that I don't have a lot of times.

Anyway, the passage he was writing about was Acts 2: 42-47, that marvelous passage which talks about the new church and how the newly hatched Christians were with one another and with everyone they met. The verses talk about their sharing, their giving, their camaraderie and their joyous participation in all of this. And it was then that I was struck with Barclay's explanation of the early Christians based on what verse 46 states. It says that the early church was a happy church. Barclay says the following, "Real Christianity is a lovely thing. There are so many people who are good, but with their goodness possess a streak of unlovely hardness. Struthers of Greenoch used to say that it would help the Church more than anything else if Christians ever and again would do a bonnie thing. In the early Church there was a winsomeness in God's people."

A "winsomeness" in God's people. Winsome means-according to the dictionary--charming, with an attractiveness of appearance or manner. What if more people wanted to be like Christians because of what they see when they see us in action? Wouldn't that be great? What if being a Christian in today's world meant more along the lines of "come join us in our attractiveness" than "don't bother, you're not good enough"? Too often Christians are so busy building fences, then we forget to erect ways to climb the fence. We are so busy making sure everything is right according to "the good book" that they forget that the book is for everyone, especially someone who has never heard it before. And that there might not be room for everyone, but it isn't for you and me to decide who fits where and when. I want that kind of Christianity. The kind that is-well-kind. And considerate and sharing and not so judgmental all the time and not so rules laden.

I want to be a winsome Christian. How about you?

I Will Be With You Always

After I wrote the above title, I got a little squeamish. I don't mean I-personally-with be with you always, I was quoting from the reading for this week. This is Holy Trinity Sunday, a time to remember that the three in one is with all of us, for always. Sometimes it's hard to remember that fact. Sometimes you just want God to be there and the other two can go take a rest. Sometimes you feel the need to walk with Jesus and God needs to go into the other room while you just talk to him and unburden yourself. And sometimes the Holy Spirit is hovering around showing you stuff and you just can't believe that anything or anyone else could add to that! But the thing that is great to remember is that no matter whom you wish to communicate with,you get the whole package. You can't have one without the other. Like the old song says (except it was talking about Love and Marriage and we all know that isn't necessarily true!). So you get the package deal with the trinity. And that isn't a bad thing you know. Unleashing your guilt to Jesus will remind you that Jesus was human and understands. But God is right there as well, listening and having compassion just as he had with his son. And the Holy Spirit is right there too, with whispering mists of grace and light, so you won't feel abandoned. And if you feel as though the Spirit is guiding you and uplifting you, you know that Jesus is just as delighted as you are and that God is happy to see you enjoying it as well.

A package deal. For always. You just can't get that anywhere else nowadays. No guarantees for anything anymore. Except God. And Jesus and the Holy Spirit. They'll always be around. Always. Thank goodness.

The Choice Every Day

I read something recently that struck a chord with me. It was in one of the blogs I read and in it, the author quoted a friend who said this, "You have a choice every morning when you wake up. That's a gift." She was talking about attitude here. The attitude you have when you get up in the morning, before your coffee. The way you approach your day has a lot to do with the way the day will go, it seems. I believe that the way we view each day, whether we have God present or not, makes or breaks the day as well. On the days that I have no time to myself and I'm running hither and yon trying to fix something, finish something or finesse something and haven't once stopped to either ask God to be with me or help me, is a day where nothing seems to go right. I'm spinning my wheels all day and I'm going no where. BUT, on those days that God and I talk first thing in the morning and ask for guidance and help throughout the day, well, those are the good days. Not that everything goes wrong on the days I don't have God in mind or everything goes right on the days I do. But my attitude about the things that do happen is very different.

And so I propose an idea. Suppose we try, for just a week or so to make the choice every day to being with a bowl of cereal and God (or an egg or a glass of juice or whatever your morning break of fast is) before the day starts. And we decide that the day will be interspersed with asking for correction, guidance and just plain love and that we end the day thanking God for those moments that we felt the Almighty's presence. I think it's an experiment that has merit and sometimes these things develop into habits, too!

I want to leave this with one other quote, from that same page, from that same author. She had been shot and is finally getting herself back together and the woman who was writing to her, telling her to keep up her spirits said this, "The sun came up this morning and I am here to see it. By definition, it's a good day."

Amen to that.

To Denny

People come and go in our lives all the time. Some people spend a lot of time in our face and we wish they didn't. Some people spend very little time with us and it never feels like it's enough. There are people who are blessings without so much as a religious icon in their vicinity. They are spiritual beings, they bring light and smiles. They bring soft comfort and warm companionship. They bring a feeling of peace and understanding. They don't say the benediction out loud, but whisper it in your ear through their words of encouragement and thoughtfulness. And when they leave us, we are grateful that we knew them and feel privileged to have been part of their circle. They don't necessarily profess to be Christians or Muslims or Jews. But their profound example of love shared with others is all you need to be aware of their spirituality, their connection with something bigger than them or you. It is always, always a pleasure to be with them and you walk away saying to yourself, I want to be more like that.

The biggest problem with knowing someone like this, is that usually you think there is plenty of time to tell them how special they are, how nice it is to be with them, how grateful you are for their presence. And then they are gone and you never did get to tell them. And so not only do you mourn the loss of this person, you mourn the missed chance to make sure they knew just how good they were, how important they were to others and how much you will miss seeing them.

The Road to...

One of my favorite bible passages is the one that we read this past Sunday. I refer to it as "The Road to Emmaus". My mother has a painting, large in scale, of this scene from the bible--Jesus is explaining things to the weary travelers. I'm of two minds with this story. I love the fact that Jesus comes and explains himself and his ministry to these two, citing historical references with which they can understand and relate. But he also encourages them along the way to explain what they have seen and what they understand, so that he can help them to understand and comprehend what has taken place. Perhaps I am hoping secretly that Jesus will come and find me on my road and explain things that I'm a little murky on. Perhaps I'm hoping Jesus will come and simply walk beside me (which I know he does anyway), but opening my eyes to the things I question and doubt. So I really love the story for that reason. But the other "mind" wonders about the story. Why doesn't he reveal himself earlier? All kinds of thoughts abound about this...they needed to understand what took place that first Easter and they wouldn't have been able to listen if they were in awe of the messenger. They perhaps needed the historical references for future need as the church began to form and begin. I guess I'll never know the real reason he didn't just say, "Ta Da!" and stretch out his hands. But it's one of those things I wonder about nonetheless.

I liked what our pastor said about Jesus revealing himself in the breaking of the bread. That he is revealed whenever we break bread together, sometimes not just in the eating of a meal, but the gathering together of God's people and the sharing of the word. Perhaps that's the real story behind the Road to Emmaus. It's the revealing of Jesus to the two travelers and to us what God's love is really about. It's good to hear that on the dusty, dirty road to wherever we happen to being going.

Jesus Loves Me, This I Know

I have a practice each year beginning Holy Week. I start to play Jesus Christ Superstar on whatever device I am using, wherever I am using it. In the car it's the CD player. In the kitchen it's another CD player. Upstairs, I'll put on the movie version and simply listen to the music while going about my chores. Sometimes, like this year, the music sounds a little dated, a little old. But the message is always the same and it helps me to focus my thoughts on this week as nothing else does.

I told someone this once, about this practice. They smiled condescendingly at me and proceeded to inform my poor lost self all the reasons why using this musical as a focal point was not a good idea. I listened politely and left them to their opinions. I am a firm believer that whatever you need to do to bring God into your world, short of human sacrifice is probably okay. I know that's a sweeping statement and many would not agree with me. But c'mon, if you need to be reminded that Christ is indeed in your life and you aren't too sure about it, isn't something better than nothing? I don't sit and read the bible every day, but I have daily devotions sent to my e-mail so that whenever I turn on the computer, those thoughts can reach me. I may not get down on my knees each morning or evening, but the simple prayer that Jesus Loves Me, this I know, follows my heart and mind whenever I happen to think of it. Am I the most pious or religious of followers? Nope. But my belief is sincere and I'm doing the best I can each day to remember to thank God for his many blessings and ask God to be with me.

And I do this without the singing. Which is probably a very good thing. So what do you do?