Where are you?

Recently, I experienced something that was bad. Very bad. The people around me who are faith filled people hugged me, reminded me of beloved scripture verses, listened. They handed me tissues, a shoulder to lean on and a pillow to punch. I felt loved and comforted by them and thanked God for leading them to me at just the right time. But when I was alone, I quickly reverted back to the frightened follower I always seem to be. By myself, I'm a coward. I find myself afraid of so many things and when I'm afraid I seem to worry more. Does everyone do that? I have read a few devotionals recently that reminded me that worrying never solved anything and it seems almost to be a slap in the face to the Lord. I don't think I can afford to diss the Almighty. So I'm trying to worry less. But fear makes me lonely too. The God of our ancestors seemed to real to them. So present. When bad things happen, I don't always feel the Spirit's presence. And I wonder is that because I'm looking too hard, expecting something tangible. Our faith family in the past must have been able to rely on something to help them feel God's presence. I've tried walking a labyrinth, lighting candles and meditating, tried to close the doors and seek the Lord in my solitude. And almost always, I still feel alone and worried. And that's when I remind myself: when things were really bad, my faith family was right there with me. And when things aren't really, really bad but just well, kind of not great, they are right there as well. The Spirit moves in them the same as it does in times of crisis. I found that reaching out with a simple request was just as effective as sobbing on someone's shoulder. I need to remember to stop trying to solve everything myself. And although that trite saying, "Let go and let God," still is sort of like fingernails on a chalkboard sometimes, it's also true sometimes as well. And so I will talk to my friends in faith and trust them to help me lift myself out of my funk. And they will help me to laugh and remind me that God is present at all times and in all ways. And I am not alone.