Being Whole

I was reading a devotional today and it talked about the man that Jesus healed of a speech impediment and deafness. He took him aside and healed him and then told the healed guy not to tell anyone. But of course the healed man went around telling everyone. Wouldn't you? Wouldn't you, if you were made whole, run around telling EVERYONE about it? It's better than winning the lottery! To be made whole. I've often wanted to be made whole. There are times when I curse my hearing loss and times when I feel justified in feeling sorry for myself. The funny thing is, I don't talk too much about it. I don't write about it much. I'm not really looking for sympathy, I don't think. But healing would be nice. To be able to hear the birds again outside the window? Yeah, that'd be really great. To know when someone was walking up in back of me instead of jumping 10 feet in the air as they innocuously pass me? That would be great, too! To be able to hear the television without the closed captioning would be nice for my family as well as me. And to hear my family's voices without the machines plugged into my ears would be worth just about anything. I remember Paul asking in one of his letters to have some kind of burden removed. I think there is speculation about what that burden might have been. But even Paul in his splendor didn't get to have his wish. For whatever the thorn in his side, it was always there. Just like not being able to hear. Most times I'm used to the lack of hearing. My hearing aids do help enormously. Most times I'm immune to the fact that there is a distinct lack of noise when I take them out at night. But once in a while, I think, why me? Why do I have to have this disability? Is there something I'm supposed to learn from this? Something I'm supposed to "teach" other people? I hope not. I've been dismal if this is my ministry. I prefer to do those things that are in the background or things that don't need much interaction for fear I wouldn't hear the interaction anyway. I do not like to trumpet that I can' hear and don't want to be the "poster girl" for those who are hearing impaired. And then there's this: when I pray and ask God to watch over those I love and care about, I don't really ask to be made whole. It's tempting. Asking for that miracle cure. But I have a feeling I'm supposed to be like this for whatever reason. And I guess when I finally get to meet God, I can ask, "what was that all about anyway?" But the funny thing is this, when I pray it doesn't matter whether I can hear or not. It's usually quiet, and sometimes I talk the hearing devices out of my ears so it's even quieter than normal. Because really in the silence of my prayers it doesn't matter whether I can hear or not, just so long as God does.